la-estrella ;]

DEAR, IM SORRY.

2007-10-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

oh fuck. im feeling really guilty. i must be a jerk for blasting at him for no
reason. i spoke nonsense. oh shit, nabila, why cant u just think before you act?
sheesh. i cant deny that when im angry, i will speak words that i dont mean it
at all. argh, stupid laaah stupid okaayy nabila. seriously, i must apologise for
blasting over no particular reason at all. and my relation with him is making
things worse. i mean he said, i said, he said, i said and atlast, he decided. i
couldnt help but just run to the highest storey and cry and kick everything
there. sheesh. and our ruined plans, just everything is gone. we did said
last year that we will go geylang the next year but when the year came,
everything = ruined. ugh, the plan i've been looking forward and say
everything i should say, all efforts, down the drain. bracelets? he would
throw it into my face i bet you cause my name's there. sigh, im really
sorry for spouting nonsense towards you my dear, im really sorry. &
i cant accept the decision you made cause yesterday was a whole different
story.

2007-10-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

wrecked. crushed. why? i deserved it. with him and girlfriends.
and im hurting myself more than anything. crying endless nights wont
lead me nowhere. slashing will only make me have scarred skin. urgh.
i hope you would understand girlfriends that i just cant let it go. its too
hard. & you, forgive my mistakes. im sorry. sheesh. im sucha crybaby
laahhhh. bodoh lah nabila. jangan nanges, nanges nanges nanti bute
mcmne. uh booooo lah. and please lah, taknak excited pasal raye,
birthday smue. dah takde gune nye lagi untok smua itu. everybody,
say nabila is a stupid girl and she deserved being left by someone.
):

2007-10-01T06:43:00.000-07:00

okay im so damn devastated these days.

and i lost my ever so precious bracelet that mr ______ gave me.

eventho, im still searching for that lost bracelet, i replaced

it with a new one and engraved his name on it. and mr ______,

if what your referring to its me & its the truth, should i step back?

you tell me cause im in a confused state. i mean, its as if i lost

everything about us since u acted that way when i msged

about the bracelet. im really sorry. yes, blame me and hate me.

im a stupid bitch. & i fucking hate myself.

2007-09-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

MR WALKMAN IS BACK.
how cool. [people, say cool can? thanks] atleast, i can play sims 2 at night to keep my mind occupied other than
crying or disturbing grrlfys in the middle of the night. hah. booooo. okay tmrw's performance, people, wish me good luck. but i think i can only smile if i face mister _____. i dont know, i tend to smile/grin when i see him. so, mister ______, i need your smile. thankyou ;] &&& again, i carelessly slashed my thumb. lost about 10ml of blood. booooo. & tml's exam, SHOUT/SCREAM! i dontknow why i sound so cheerful, maybe
mister _____'s msg lightened my sorrows. mister _____, dont let anyone else walk the long stretch with you okay? thankyou ;] && kay laah, must revise malay okay? toodles people.

i pretend to smile because of you.
i pretend because for you, i will.

2007-09-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

people people people, playing pretend is just too hurtful. its like eating me inside. [sighs] how i wish i could just rewind the past and also let my grrlfys rewind their past which were their sweetest times and never unwind back. thats just a wish, and wishes dont happen ): kaaan? haish. i'll be getting my mr walkman tonight, its otw home with dad. whoooo.
you know why i missed it so much? i also dont know.
booooo. and now, dontknow laah. back to truth, cries & pretends.

you left me clueless without knowing whats happening to us. i have alot
of assumptions in mind but i kept praying its not the truth but hell,
someone said you looked like your better off without me now ))))))):
are you?

nothing, just nothing.

2007-09-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

okay, im absent for school today cause im having stomach cramps and my body is aching plus, i have no mood to face anyone. i have update my livejournal and so yah, updating

blogger blog here. i have nothing to say & i miss my grrlfriends. PERIOD. i hope things are going well between them and yah, my W580i is away for repair. come home soon hunns. okay, booooo.

2007-09-17T05:12:00.000-07:00

okay im back home & im moodless & energyless after the wrestling match with juliet esai & meeerah kubor. my body is aching laah but still can tahan. fighter mahhh ;D hah. you guys should see the video. its hilarious. luckily it managed to get one thing of my mind which the feud between me and mister _____. seriously, why should i be
a busybody. next time nabila, dont be a busybody and end up getting scolded because of your concern okay? okay, so i should just zip my mouth since someone hate me for asking about his condition. && i got a new phone, W580i.
sadly, tmrw, i have to send it for repair. goodbye mr
walkman 580i ): people, more updates at livejournal
lah.

2007-09-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

VALENSUAY HERE ;]

okay. its just somekind of playname for the seven of us, infact eight but
aidah's nick is erm, undecided. so yeah, so, here's the official playnames.

juliet la celeste = juliet esai ;]
kiddie kins = kiddie kesiau ;]
sue tan = meeerah kubor ;]
cupid = cupid sapau ;]
shaaa = shaa sheyytan ;]
belle farysa = belle satiam ;]

these days have been [roll eyes] not much of excitement. well, i painted
my room white. yeah, i know its plain. but hell, who cares. and i need
to make a bank, im going to have that sleek handphone. more updates
at livejournal. loved, valensuay ;D

2007-09-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

people, anything see my livejournal can? im really suffering back pains and headache now. & i need a tutor and counsellor. anyone please?

2007-09-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

eh people. i hate my classmate. i hate him. i hate him. nak tau sape? kalau korang nak tau, senang² msg saye atau msn ngan saye. malas nak cakap pat sini, tapi beware, jangan awak pulak yang jadi mangse. itu amaran saye. apape, picit aje. selamat berpuase! atau jikalau awak nak tau dengan lebih lanjut, pergi lah ke livejournal saye? taktau? tak tau & yang nak tau, sila tanye je, saye tak marah. okay senyum selalu rakan-rakan! mwah! dan saye rindu amat pade mcchicken walaupun dia sudah dimakan orang, boooooo.

2007-09-12T04:46:00.000-07:00

erm hello? hello? hello? :D okay lets start the update okay? kay go. erm today was erm kind of okay. thanks to miss fong peng li. i managed to understand a little bit of chemistry, just a little :D then it was geog, we revised about rivers & reminds me of raihaha pettigrew. then it was maths, didnt paid attention at all laaah. recess was fine, yeah. malay
period was boring, as usual. then it was english, :D. no malay dance today as the seniors vanished in thin air. & guess what, mummy bought me a HSM2 novel :D i have to enjoy things here before i go so urm; i had my old chang kee, my champagne grape ice blended, sinaran 's mee goreng. so yeah, here's more to go after the end of puasa. gonna
eat my way to fatness ;D

1. fondue at swensens.
2. fried chicken wing rice at yew tee.
3. order rites pizza's barbecue wings.
4. eat my mum's sambal goreng :P
5. secret recipe's steak at vivo.
6. fudge cake at secret recipe.
7. eat food from wow taka, hah.
8. eat the ice jelly at sunshine.
9. bake my own fudge cookies :D cheh.
10. buka bersama-samaan dengan kawan² tercinta! ;D

and hell, manyyyyyy manyyyyyyyyy more laaaahh!

and i think im into dangdut now. haha, serious. since i've been
watching the mimpi manis show & i'm looking forward to watch ratapan anak tiri on 17 sept. eh, sept 17th? :( kalau tidak, dah 11 mths. enggak mengapalaaah, biar dier bahagia disamping sesiapapun kay :)

if only i can be one of the top twentyfive student, im sure i dont have to go laah. but i cant fight those smart-alex(s). its not possible. nabila, why are you not intelligent, now tell me why. because of you not doing well, you have to go. why are bringing yourself towards hell? now tell
me why, tak boleh bilang kan? belo nye nabila ):

thanks for uploading the photos, thanks for keeping your promise. i've
kept my promise and now will keep the other one. i will never forget
you :] and i hope you keep that promise too.

2007-09-11T05:25:00.000-07:00

SEE THE SCUM UP THERE? THATS RAIHANAH.

happy birthday laaah peter pettigrew. i hope you live long. and please,

no matter how much you hate me before or even now, i still regard you

as my geographic friend laaah, ox bow lake. loves, plunge pool :)

eh hello laah people[insertsmile]. it was raining cats & dogs this morn

and it held up me for a long time until lydia's daddy came to the rescue.

yay, phew! terime kasih encik jasmani :) okay, i cant give that mister skill the mathematical set he needed because im so latee & i had to go down

to pass it. sadly, no compass. sorry laah :X then art was boring laaahhhh. then chemistry, lagyyyy boringgg laaah. recess was urm, yeah okayy :) english&socialstudies&assembly all boring laaah! boohoo. then off to lot one with the 7 dara jelita w/0 aida, pfffft -.- mane kau aidah?

then went to sunshine, and ate&crap&just nonsense laah. & guess what,

i have the thinnest lips among the girls! hah. ape? bangge? pala pisang nye nabila. then me and lydia, met up with abang isam, daddy izzul,

atok naim & atok syamil. didnt layan them that much, too exhausted

and yeah, walked back home. dah lah, tu je kan. ciao lah love-lings :)

and damn it, i will have to go no matter how good my results will be. damn ittttt. pfffffffffffft. alah kene pegi, pegi je laaahhhhhh.

2007-09-10T03:42:00.000-07:00

grrgrrl sheyytann & cupid
juliet la celeste & kiddie kins
sue tan & farysa belle

and sadly i dont have senorita grrlf's picture with me. will take soon. and yah, those six grrls & plus aida, are much loved by me. doinks laah. and yeah, maybe you & your ling² be happy always. burgh, malas nak update sini, check out my other blog laah. sini boring laah.

AND HSM@ ROCKS BIG TIME LAAH EH! i cried when i saw the hawty zac efron cried. sedih laah tgk dier nanges. hunns, dont cry anymore kay :)

2007-09-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

people, im really moodless, disheartened and everything that is related to heartwreck. im reallyyyyyy dowwwwwn nowww. so yeah, my eyes are
like waterfalls & i cant stop. and to you, i dont want to embarass you here so check out my other blog.

2007-09-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

Name 10 other people youre thinking of now.
1. Mr Skill
2. Ms Cupid
3. Ms Juliet
4. Ms Sue Tan
5. Mr Lue Henry
6. Mr Krypton Star
7. Mr Kiesha
8. Mr Slick
9. Ms Little Miss
10. Mr Baihakki Khaizan! :D

Who is no. 6 having a relationship with?
I dont know laah :)
Is no. 9 a male or female?
A female, duh!
If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
No! I love 10!
What is no. 2 studying?
All kinds of subjects laah.
When was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
Just yesterday night.
What kind of music does no. 8 like ?
How should i know siaaa?
Will you woo no. 3?
No! She's my grrlfy!
How about no. 7?
No! He's my brotherlove!
Is no. 4 single?
No, she's happily attached! :D
Whats e surname of no. 5?
Izzul Iman? dunch know laah!
Whats e hobby of no. 4?
Shopping & Crapping with me! :P
Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?
Eh No ! Dorg tk kenal ponn !
Where is no. 2 studying at?
TECK WHYE SECONDARY SCHOOL !
Say something casual about no.1?
He's my bestex ever! :)
Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8? No! No!
Where does no. 9 live?
Near ME :D
What colour does no. 4 like?
LIME GREEN! :D hahs.
Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?
Doinks, no laaah.
Does no. 7 like no. 2?
No laaahhh babs.
How did you get to know no. 2?
Hair Salon! :)
Does no. 1 have any pets?
No, he will kill it for sure! :X
Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world? Doinks, NO!

2007-09-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

hah. okay these few days are so called ouh-kayy lor. beach with grrlfys. meet-ups with bestex. arab-streeting. and my appetite is getting back to normal. phew, and urh to that indonman, (oo) back to you. boo =.-

2007-09-05T03:30:00.000-07:00

people. i have no mood to update.
im down. can you see im blue? :(

yeah, i've thought of a day at the beach with you but after reading her blog, you might as
well go out with her.

2007-09-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

2007-09-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

SORE EYES + FEVER = DAMN RESTLESS X

FRIDAY.
teacher's day was uhm-fine. i danced like shit. so yeah, dont wanna talk about it. & im being a litte shithead having high hopes =.=

SATURDAY.
stucked at home the whole day due to sore eyes & fever. nothing much happened.

SUNDAY.
ate at mad jack's and went to vivo. bought a HSM2 folder & bag. how childish. who cares.

MONDAY.
no plans. nothing. just bored & pissed of.

things to be done.
- throw juliet to swensens as promised.
- skipped along the east coast park.
- save money for some reasons.
- get my homework done.
- get well as soon as possible.

yes. i dont have the right to bug into your life
anymore. yes. as you said, let us be a memory.
yes. you said you're sorry. but no, sorry wont
make things better. now, you wont talk. yes.
have your way now. i just wanted to help and
want to ensure that you are okay cause i dont
want it to affect your upcoming examinations.
but hell was i wrong, you dont need me. you have her. what was i thinking, i am not needed any more. now thanks and be happy cause im the one
now who's feeling down.

you dug a hole and burried our love just to
step over it and walk away.

2007-08-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

im really moodless now. i dont know, maybe just because of his personal message, i mean it sounds like a new beginning for him. sighs ): && plus, i was strangled by hafidz okay. and my shoulder needs aid, its like damn red laah. he strangled me with force okay, hello, im a girl okeh?! grrrrrr. and my eye is getting red again. asal malam je saket, asal malam je takde
mood. dah lah bye, smue dah tak kesah agik kan. dah dah. bye.

you were so hot with that pink bag.
&& the pieces of my heart is missing you.
all i wanted was those two birthday wishes
but then, miracles wont happen ): *cries*
and what if im not there for tomorrow.

mummy, daddy. dont play hide and seek. be a man and woman. say the truth. but please, dont do me like this. this suspense is killing me.

2007-08-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

hello love-lings! [insertfakesmile] obviously im not in a good mood =.- got a sudden sore-eye attack. actually, this virus has been spreaded among the malay dancers since yesterday and unfortunately, i was attcked =.- i cant see properly and my eye is red O.- && plus, im having a bad headache. mcm banyak nah penyakit? :X i must get well soon so that i can dance for rehearsal tmrw! and i need to eat, im losing my appetite these days. seems so moodless and dying :/ imagine, what if it really will happen. i've got to go, i have to complete hell loads of assignments. take care people.

& im jealous of other people's love chapter =.-
1] cupid ; good luck with paco :D
2] meeerah; stay long with aidil :D
3] grrgrrl; i hope you'll be with legin again :D 4] juliet; good luck with you-know-who :D
5] kiddie; good luck with mr ass :D
6] belle; stay long with asyraf :D
7] senorita; stay long with fadh :D

i dont know who to talk with. my grrlfys? they have
their own problems. my brothers? they're gone. my five musketeers? too shy to share with them. parents? they have their own decisions. mum & dad,
please talk, dont hide things from me and decide
anything without my agreement. please, i dont want
to go. i'll lose everything if i go. cries :(((((

my mind is gone
i'm spinning round
and deep inside my tears
i'll drown i'm losing grip
what's happening I stray from love
this is how I feel this
time was different
felt like I was just a victim

2007-08-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

okay to this particular species of people, im seriously fucked up with you people. stop sending friendster msges about why and when i broke up with him. puhh-leese! its like nineteen days ago larhh people. and please, you people added me at msn just to ask, 'how you and your h_k_m?'! && please stop saying like 'fight for him larhh' and all these stuffs! i fought & i lost okay! get it right! even if a miracle is to happen & if i'll be with him again, its only between me, him & god. thankyou for you people's concern but its like bugging me & maybe him if he reads my post. he's sitting for his o level prelims & he's doing fine okay so please, give us some peace. and i'll really need that okay, so stop asking unimportant stuffs cause i have to mug really hard. THANK YOU FOR YOUR
KIND UNDERSTANDING AND CONCERNS :]

secondly, yeah to that particular tagger, i wont
whine and whine again okay. even if i feel like
expressing it here, i wont. i'll just hide it
inside.

thirdly, updates!
school was a bore okay? teachers dont come and
its supposed to be haywire & fun but i seemed moodless now. i even cant finish a plate of rice
during recess. okay boo =.- & seriously need
a tutor at maths. i dont understand a fucking
thing.

fourthly, i dont know whats happening. i mean,
dont i have the right to choose if i want to
go or stay? i mean as parents, they want the best but i dun think going faraway is the best
solution larh mummy ):

if i still had you, your the first person whose shirt will be soaked with my tears ):

2007-08-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

people. seriously no mood to talk right now. i went to queensway and vivo city with family just now. i got my skinny jeans, havainas, jelly
shoes and a necklace. what more can i wish for. and we ended the day with a dinner at secret recipe. how great is life. and yeah, go
ahead with anyone & i have already accept that we're over. so, go on find your mrs skill, i see one at your friendster though. good luck.

2007-08-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

i dont know what im doing wrong. sikit² irritating, sikit² irritating. i dont know why did i even fall for a guy like you. now i've seen your true colours. i should have believed other people. yeah i was so stupid to be blinded by love. you just betrayed every promise.and you are ill-treating me. i know u hate me, okay fine, call me a bitch or a slut. just called me anything you want. i dont fcuking care anymore because im used to it already, people telling this and that.

2007-08-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

a very good morning![insertfakesmile]

i just had my bath and i didnt know what to

do, thats why im updating. i was browsing through my folders and i found some pickchas.

since i have nothing to update, let the pickchas talk then. take care love-lings.

[read: shaa blom ready. haha XD ]

the three minah kampung :D

US :) shaa, valentina & supergrrl ;]

step jiwang depan bus :X

the picture of the week :)

2007-08-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

heyheyhey :D atlast, i started the post with a smile, actually a fake one. im not okay these few days. i have no more appetite for recess, usually, i used to eat like a fat pig but now, even my jeans are loose. serious =.= i had a wrestling hell of time with raihanah until an unknown bitch hit me at the back of my head with ice. i was whispering like 'fucker, bitch'. urgh nevermind, then malay dance. hell lot of fun with grrlfy cupid & belle & juliet & kak q kami. blablabla, went home and go madrasah and here i am! (insertafakesmile). btw, passerby, tell me who you are. thanks and i have to decorate cards
for my teachers for teachers' day since im the
most artistic soul in the class XD

even if you hate me, you dont have to throw ice
at me. i know u did it purposely. yeah, i know
u hate me so much now. and i know what caused
an end for us, the appearance of a third person
in your life.

2007-08-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

these days. malay dance; school; maths. im starting to like maths now. macam wow kan. and i miss my skilled tutor, period. but sighs. i wont
be performing fer teacher's day, that means i have to runnnnnn ): can somebody run with me on that day? please. i'll treat u ljs. promise :D
i've got a million pictures to upload but no usb cable. boo laah =.= && im speechless now cause we're like strangers.

the worst thing about loving you is seeing you love someone else more prettier, more hotter, more cuter, more just perfect for you.

2007-08-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

im am really really hurt by you okayy. really really. how could you just do this. im suffered enough okay. just enough. im reaching the end of
my tolerance. i cant even hate you for this. you just break everything. once, you were scared if i broke your heart but now, who broke whose
heart. im devastated okay. stop all your acting okay. i know u hate me now, u avoid me now. its because u think it will help me move on. ur
making me suffer more each day. have you ever think of that? you only think about yourself. u said i was your first and last but that were lies kan? i had to sacrifice what i had to prove to you that i love you. i did everything i could and i get this in return. you left me because of your studies? then why is that after your o's, you cant be with me? it clearly shows that your sick, bored, fucked up with me. even people say that. you left me with a hopeful message. u said u still want me but i feel
hated, unwanted by you. why? why? cant you see that im hiding my pain everytime in school? why, why? do you ever think of the promises you made? why did you break them? is it because the promises are meant
for other people? then why? are you making this as a revenge on me? why why? u said you will treasure, cherish & love me forever? did you ever mean it? u said u were scared if i broke my promises and leave
you, now what happen? you left me, u hate me, u avoid me. dont you know how much i miss you? how much i need you? do you ever care? do you? thats what ur brother said, you didnt cared at all, its always me who cared. i have proven to you how impt you are to me & how much i needed & loved you. then still, are you playing with my feelings like
what you did to others girls? u said you have changed, i believed you but now? i want to hate you for causing all this but i cant, that feeling
called love is still there only you doesnt know it. you dont know how much i think about you in school,how much i cared about you. you
just dont effing care. you think, by doing this, life will be better for us. but no, i cry each night. i hurt myself each night. i prayed to god each night that we'll be together again & our love will last forever. but you, ur enjoying life with your brother, ur girl-friends and whoever except
me. do you know that i have suffered enough through these two weeks? i still have the present i bought for you which i planned to give you on 171007. but you wouldnt meet me. abdul hakim bin mokhtar, you
are not helping me at all, your making me suffer more & regret living each day of my life. do you like doing that? you like seeing me cry, hurt myself and moreover, kill myself right? what did i do wrong until i have to go through this hakim? what wrong did i do to you? now, u have moved on, leaving me alone by my own. you said once that you
would never leave me. why hakim? im really really devastated. and im very very close to suicidal. serious. dont you ever think about me?
dont you? you think about yourself. i can wait for you till after your o's. i can but you wouldnt turn back. do you know that im even crying, typing
out this post? wait, you dont even care kan? hakim, i need you. is not that i cant live without you, i can. but i will suffer everyday of my life.
do you know why i cant type? it is because i smashed my hand with glass and its bleeding. but what did you say? im typing crap? my hand really hurts. i shed too much tears over you, even blood. but did you care? maybe after you read this, you'll say 'go and die lah bitch!'. i can grant your wish hakim cause i rather die than suffer everyday of my
life. your my first real love and you left me shattered. only god knows how i felt & how much i do love you. do you know that, i thought we
would last forever but no, u just walked away. i rather cry once a week than cry each day. im devastated. just that. & i miss you so much. i
just miss you saying those 3 words to me. will you ever come back? or would you rather see me like this? i miss you, i swear i do. i love you,
i swear i really do. and please, think about all this & think, why are you letting me suffer? why? why hakim? i love you now, then & always.

2007-08-20T02:56:00.000-07:00

171006-170807

TO YOU:

should i smile because we are still friends? :(
should i feel blessed that your happy now? :(
should i? im this close to giving hope, im this close to suicidal. but if i kill myself, i can't see you smile again everyday. im this close to losing myself. yes, life has to move on but i cant. im stuck here, just hanging on, alone, by myself. my promises&love are still there & its up to you to keep it or throw it. iloveyou.

UPDATES:

yesterday, went to auntie's crib & it was cool. rushed back home and did my assignments. and eat, msn, friendster, sms & slept. today, nothing much. i failed CA2 overall. im going to acad if i dont mug hard soon. went to mandy's crib & her trampoline was fun laah. then im home :D

TO MR FUCKING IRRITATING INTERNET GUY:
can you please stop disturbing me? i dont even know if your even an ex flame of mine or your just making up stories. so, you should just fuck off my life cause i aint gonna answer that stupid question of yours. & yeah,wait for forever okay cause i wont go to you even if your the last guy on earth! bastard.

2007-08-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

good morning. im here updating for today before i go off to my auntie's open house :D actually nothing much to update, only that i have to complete my assignments & tutor my cousin =.= boo. okay that's that! take care people :)

i wont disturb you. i will let you have your fun
now.eventho i have alot to say,i'll just keep it
to myself.cause nothing matters now. go on, enjoy
life. some words are not meant to be said when
you DONT mean it.

2007-08-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

ten random facts about me.

1) Nurul Nabila Binte Abdul Jalil.
;apparently i hate when people call me by
'nurul',eventho its my name.
2) I hate hot air balloons.
;why? im scared if they cant never land & keep floating higher & higher.
3) Im scared of lion dance.
;the lion's eyes tend to make me traumatised.
4) Im scared of people in cartoon/puppet costumes.
;i always have nightmares about them chasing me. 5) Im afraid to put on contact lenses.
;why? im scared if its stuck somewhere in my eye
6) Im afraid of babies & toddlers running around.
;im afraid of them chasing me.
7) I have the worst sneeze ever.
;people said my sneeze is unappropriate for a lady :D
8) I hate papayas.
;the name doesnt sound appetizing enough.
9) I love mangosteen.
;i can finish 30 mangosteen in 5 minutes. wanna bet?
10) I still hang on to my felix cat pillow which i had since i was three.
;its just nice. wanna try? :D

nothing doesnt last forever, including yesterday 170807. thankyou for spending time with me, thankyou for everything you did. if i could do anything, i'll rewind time to yesterday & stay there till forever with fireworks sparking high in the night sky. iloveyou.

2007-08-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM.
WAHHHHHHHH :O
fireworks are beautiful okay :D its more beautiful when you see it with your friends but for me, i got lost and end up seeing it with darls. it was fun though when this babatic girl was struck with fireworks' sparks :D psst, someone was scared. haha :D so, i was sweating like pig & i looked like a monsta with messyaye hair. whee. we ate kfc & its was unappetizing XP. so i head home with atiqah and cried ontheway home :(

thanks for meeting me,
thanks for the empty hopes,
thanks for saying u loved when i think u dont,
thanks for acting u missed me when i think u dont,
just thanks for have big hopes of us.
and yeah, happy U.O 10mths since 171006.

2007-08-16T04:47:00.000-07:00

seriously, i have no mood to talk now. okay, i passed malay, english and a maths. now, doing my malay assignment & grammar builder. auntie is bringing me go somewhere new but, things aint right ):

if you dont care,
you could have just say.
if you want me to leave,
you could have just tell me.
if you dont want to talk to me,
you could have just inform me.
if you want us to be strangers,
tell me that into my face now.
if you want me to die,
just tell me & i can do it before your eyes.

i have to sacrifice for your happiness& your future eventho i know im dying inside bit by bit when i dont think you care anymore.

2007-08-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

SIGHS :(

things are getting worse. way way worse. firstly, i've got a pathetic 5.5/40 for my e-maths. like fcuk laah siaaaakkk. tak suke laah. & please lah classmate, stop touching me can or not? please lah, damn irritated. when ever im frustrated, people take it as a joke. fcuk. please eh, dont touch me cause you dont have any right to do so anyway siaak. please lahhh, i need someone to protect me. oh wells. kay then, after school, i saw O.O & i was like OMG. cepat nah move on sampai, you-know-what. serioustalk, jealousy strucked me & i was like making the neutral & act-tak-nmpk face. then aida pulled me aside and SWOOOSSHHH, tears kept flowing
like waterfalls. thankyou for trying to cheer me up people, but trust me, after that, i went to the highest floor of this block & cried my heart out.
yeahh, i have a newfriend, mr orange penknife since khair confiscated my mr blue penknife yesterday ): so back to long nights, cries&slashes. & i went to block one, too much memories there & i saw this AWWWW
stuff. & i miss it okehh. boohoo. i want to cry again. byebyebyebyebye.

you moved on so fast. i bet our past didnt even stayed in your heart. you said i was crazy cause i thought of suicidal? i felt so betrayed okeh. & i dont think i can forget what u've done. serious, u moved on as if it was fine for you. now, people kept asking why did we broke up? i said, i dont know. cause some people said u asked bcos of studies, some said u were bored with me. & now, seeing u with another girl is like speechless. we are just two days away, just 48 hours away. i cant imagine life now. cause you said i was your first & last love. what happened? :'(

2007-08-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things
I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don’t want to take responsibility for
I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I’m sorry for the times I would neglect
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect
I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for my son
I’m sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl
[Bridge]
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me
[Chorus]
You can put the blame on me [4x]
Said you can put the blame on me [3x]
You can put the blame on me
Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn’t agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that your son was once a thief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too fastI wish
I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way
I’m sorry that the FEDS came and took me away
[Bridge]
I’m sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I’m sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I’m sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I’m sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say
Why doesn’t anybody wanna take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I’m just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I’ll take that blame
Even though the blame’s on you [3x]
I’ll take that blame from you
And you can put that blame on me [2x]
You can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me

I first heard it from his phone
And
I fell in love with this song :(

2007-08-14T04:02:00.000-07:00

MOOD : UNDEFINED.
WHY? : DONT ASK.
BUT WHY? : DONT ASK LAAH.

i've been moody nowadays, sometimes i feel like i want to
cry my heart off or laugh my ass off. but hell, people once
said, if you laugh too much, you will cry one day. i dont want to cry, my tears are out of stock. i think i may die of dehydration or maybe go to somekind of mental hospital if my life doesnt get better :/ well, the only news that i made me smiled reluctantly was my social studies test paper. i scored 16/25 and i took the 2nd highest rank. skill aint i? last minute studies & i scored well. other than that, i passed malay and english. i failed a maths & physics very badly. duhhh, what do you expect siaaak? and erm, thats all
okayyyy. dah dah, bye okayyy.

TALKS;
people kept urging me to move on but i just cant okay?
why is it so easy for you to move on that quickly?
is our ties since 171006, so easy fer you to forget?
im very jealous looking at couples these days,
they can even last a year together. why cant we?
we didnt even make it to our 4 monthsary.
eventho its this friday, so close yet we cant make it.
it takes more than a decade/maybe a life time to move on.
i just hate how much i love you. moving on is not as easy
as ABC moreover when i think that your perfect for me &
i just want to be with you till eternity. i rmbred when you
told me to be there for your family's bbq on 31 aug. i
thought that i'll meet your parents face to face fer the
first time and i was excited plus nervous. but now, it'll
never happen. 'POOF' & my hope disappeared, dont
worry, i wont trouble you anymore even if i want to kill
myself, i wont tell you cause i dont matter no more.
ilyvvvm, only god knows how much i love you darls.
cry cry, slash slash, bleed bleed, die die, tada!
i made you happy didnt i?

2007-08-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

hey people. im in no mood to update, since yeah, still
thinking about what happened today :/// basically,
went to grrlfy lyn's house & did work. went down to
settle important things. yeahh. i cried, he cried. we
both cried. the end. & im hungry, nvm, let me starve
to death :/

please, dont throw that book away, it holds too much
memories of us.

2007-08-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

ohkay, fuck. i hate this feeling laah. why is it like so hard to see
him move on? alaahhhhhh. taknak laaahhh. its like &#!%. kkayy
people, do me a favour, lie to me that things are gonnna be okay!
please make up lies, just say lie that he left me cause im ugly, just
make me feel like i have to go please? im not being myself, i
dont feel like living the next day. its like losing a part of me.
why oh why? i mean whyyyyyy. okay, i know, i suck in
relationships. but i thought love is beautiful, great, oh-so-awww.
whenever im serious, it turns out that its not gonna last.

2007-08-11T01:43:00.000-07:00

HEY HEY HEYLO! :]
first & foremost, a BIG thank you to my darling grrlfie
Juliet La Celeste :] thanks for the blogskin&the song
and your patience :D whee. its great to blog again :D
okay, currently, nmpksah takde links kan? biarlaa.
yeahh, so the updates will be;
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TO JULIET LA CELESTE!
may our friendship last long & thanks fer everything
that u have done for me. i appreciate every bit of it.
and girlf, stay the hottest laah :] i love you lahh girl&
HAPPY BELATED 15TH BIRTHDAY TO MY
COUSIN, MUHD HAFIZ BIN MUHD HANIF:]
be good and dont bully me again :D thanks! yeah
and life is hard laaah. i had a feud with my mum.
why do i have to be so, erm, BAD. alaahhh. jangan
nanges lagi kay ibu, im very very sorrry :(((((((
&& i have alot of work to do & i have to mug for
tests & urmm, what ehh, jumpe lagy okehhhh.
loves, the one&only, the ever sweeet,(ape je)
Valentina Estrella ;]

dearest sunshine, i know that you want the best for both of us. thanks for
the concern but why am i not smiling even if its the best. its not doing
me any good neither do i feel better. i felt worse than worser. i cant even
sleep last night, thinking&crying&thinking again&again. its too much for
me to swallow all this, plus, i have to face it myself. i cant share my pain
with anyone. no one understands me. just want to tell you, i dont like
being in this state, its too hard. i feel like ending this world but i cant,
i want to see your smile, your laughter & hear your voice for the last time
again. all the best in life, find someone that deserves you. take care :/
&& your my sweetest chapter & its hard to erase our chapter. like i said,
once i hold on tight, it'll never be easy for me to let it go. ily.